French banks suck. Big time.

France points the finger to countries like Hungary and Poland for defending their own political opinions about economic migrants on their on soil, claiming tthat these countries are not respecting the European ideal. At the same time using a EU bank account with the French Social Security is forbidden despite breaking several EU laws.

Being blackmailed to open a French bank account (to keep cash in France) I started an Odissey of unimaginable length, complexity and stressful non sense. Without a French bank account the Social Security cannot provide me the mandatory coverage.

First of all you cannot walk into a bank and ask for opening an account. No, no. You need to call a special number, explain what you want, and what you are going to do with this account. Then the bank will make you an appointment for a live interview. A week later at the best.

After calling a few banks and making appointments (as I was expecting challenges) I finally waited for my first meeting for a bank account at one typical commercial bank. Here, I ended up making an appointment in a city 40 km from where I live to get a special meeting only 1 week after my call. It made me feel confident about the upcoming result. What a fool I was!

At my surprise I had to explain - again - everything that I had talked about with the lady on the phone. After 15 minutes the bank officer excused himself, needing to go talking to his boss. Not a good sign. I know. And it wasn't. The bank didn't want to do business with me even when I was OK with doing their minimum obligations for a creation of an account (have money in it, and make transactions 4 times a month). So their minimum were not really what they had said it was. Pissed, I left, and went to visit 2 other banks that subsequently also declined my request because I was not going to have enough money coming in or be moved within.

Online banking is “booming” in France, which means they just discovered it, so I tried 4 different banks hoping for better luck.

The first couldn't accept my request because I didn't have a French cellphone number.

The second needed a cheque from my own other bank. In France, of course...

The third would accept a cheque from anybody else (yay!) but I had to present a utility bill. As I live in a shared appartment with all included, it became a no go.

The fourth required what the 3 last ones wanted, at the same time.

After giving up, I choose a bank that was the closest to my house and where the staff was actually nice. I signed up for an account here, although sad to have to pay a maintenance fee for the first time in 12 years (thank you  dear German DKB for not having ANY maintenance fees). After a week of apparent peace I tried to set up a payment to my German bank. What an idiot I was. Of course I couldn’t do that! No, because in France you need to ask for the permission to use your money the way you want. Ha!

What's next? Honestly: France, do stop claiming to be pro EU. You're not.